


Failure isn't an option

by flowing_river



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bad Parent James MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Caring Jack Dalton (MacGyver TV 2016), Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Angus Macgyver (Macgyver 2016), Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jack Dalton (MacGyver TV 2016) is alive, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, This is all sad, but it is open to have a future happy ending, jack is on kovac mission, no happy ending, this is all projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowing_river/pseuds/flowing_river
Summary: Mac is stuck in one of the worst situations possible, with no way out...
Relationships: Angus MacGyver & James MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 25





	Failure isn't an option

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags, this is pretty triggering and there isn't exactly a happy ending, I tagged everything I could think of, but if I missed something please let me know so I can fix that.

He’s suffering inside. It’s so easy to put a smile on his face, tell everyone everything’s okay, but it isn’t.

After all, there are no visible wounds on him. Yet he’s all torn up inside. Every word from James tore into him a little deeper. He’s screaming for help, yet no one ever hears him.

Everyone is distant enough to not even notice anything is wrong. But everything is wrong. He can barely hold on. He can barely sleep. He can barely function. Yet everyone is convinced he’s fine with just a smile.

No one ever sees the tears, the breakdowns, no those happen in private when he’s all alone. He’ll call Jack and talk to him, but it’s not enough. The distance between them is just another painful wound.

Just having to see James is enough to get him trembling, to get his heart pounding. He doesn’t know if James doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

Everyday just gets harder and harder. Some days are okay, he feels like he can breath, can actually smile. Others he doesn’t know how he makes it through. But he always does.

He needs help, he wants help. But he doesn’t know how to get it. What will he even say? Will he be believed? He has no wounds to show anyone, no bruises or blood. 

But he’s still in so much pain. He doesn’t let it show to anyone.  He doesn’t know how to. He can’t be vulnerable in front of people. He’s been through enough to know better than that.

Some days he thinks to himself, alone in the dark, if it would just be better to end it all. It would be so easy to end the pain that way. No one would even notice until it was too late.

He never does. The smallest things change his mind. He can’t leave everyone behind like that. He won’t be able talk to them again.

He tells himself he only has to hold on for some time, but it gets harder and harder everyday. He doesn’t know how much longer he can hold on.

Even a day can feel like months. A moment can span on for hours often leaving him huddled up and breathless somewhere.

He can’t function properly any longer. The weight on his shoulders is too much for him to bear. There’s almost a constant pit of dread in his stomach. The smallest things set him off.

Despite the few people surrounding him, he’s never been more alone. He feels it alone in the dark nights when he just can’t stop crying from all the pain.

Talking on the phone with Jack is not the same as him actually being here. He knows Jack will protect him, would help him. Jack can’t do anything from where he is, besides comforting him when he manages to get time to talk.

Anytime he works up the courage to try and get help, the words dry up in his throat. All he can think of is how  _ angry _ James will be at him for accusing him of such a thing. How much additional pain it could cost him.

Will James finally snap and leave a physical wound instead of another invisible scar?

No it’s safer to stay silent.

He doesn’t know if anything can be done anyways. He doesn’t have enough courage to find out. He never does.

Sometimes he begs. He cries and screams and demands to know why. Why him? What did he ever do wrong? What does he do to deserve it?

Jack always tells him that he did nothing wrong, he doesn’t deserve it but it’s hard to believe. Why would it happen if there wasn’t a reason? His suffering can’t just be pointless. Can’t just be because of James’ faults.

A part of him knows that’s James talking in the back of his mind, but he’s never been able to overpower James’ voice before. He won’t be able to now.

Sometimes he wishes he had never noticed what was wrong. He’s had suspicions before, but he always dismissed them. It was easier not knowing something was wrong rather than being helpless in front of James.

He knows he can never win against James. James holds too much power over him. His words are too powerful. Even if he knows James is wrong they still cut deep into his soul.

The wounds have not even healed when more are cut into him. He’s all scars and open wounds but no one ever sees it. And he doesn't think anyone ever will.

No one ever sees his pain, his tears, his screams, his nightmares. All because of a smile he can still manage to put on his face.

No one knows his real smile anymore. Even he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know happiness anymore. Any small amount he feels is immediately crushed by the pain.

And he has to hide his happiness before it just becomes more ammunition against him.

He can’t help but fight back most days. To argue back. To try and cut through the lies and manipulation. But he can never win the game. Not against James who always seems to know what to say. Who always has a comeback. Who always makes him doubt himself. Maybe he's the one in the wrong.

Some days it’s just easier to stay quiet. To not even disagree with all the sharp words even as they cut a little deeper. It’s not worth the effort anymore. He knows he won’t ever win.

All he can hope for is to get far away. To disappear. To try and stay away from James’ careful watch over him. But he can’t. Not yet at least. 

But he doesn’t know if he can escape when the time comes. He doesn’t know if he can escape. He doesn’t know if he will be caught and trapped. Will he ever make it out?

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever even find out.

But he can try. He can try his absolute hardest.

He just hopes he can succeed. Because failure isn’t an option at this point. 

It never was one. 

Good is meant to triumph over bad. He just hopes that’s true.

Because if it isn’t…

He won’t know what to do anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your thoughts. Stay safe everyone!


End file.
